Thinking It Over
by AiLing
Summary: Post mid season finale ( 13x9) of Grey's Anatomy. Explores the aftermath of the mid season finale. Where did Amelia Shepherd go? Can Owen Hunt win her back?
1. Chapter 1

**Thinking It Over**

 **So I've decided to write a mini series of what happened after the mid season finale.**

 **This is based on several prompts I've received after the finale aired.**

 _Hi Ailing, first off, love your stories! I saw this come up on twitter via Bren xocaterina "when Amelia arrives to LA - Charlotte: get back to Seattle and fuck major Hunt" (there was a gif on the post, but I can't link) - wondering, can you write a story of a possible interaction when Amelia rocks up in LA? Love Amelia and Charlotte. And Addie and everyone. Thank you :)_

 _So we don't know what happens to Amelia after she wrote that note or what it really means. But let's say for this she leaves him and moves back to_ _LA_ _. Could you write a fic of her moving back and maybe Owen eventually chasing her_ _._

 _Prompt: "no woman seems to wanna have my child.." Owen._

* * *

Owen Hunt's heart sank as he read the letter that his wife left him.

 _Dear Owen,_

 _First of all, it's not your fault. Please don't make this all your fault. I know you, it's what you do. So please, please don't do that. It's me, not you. I just need some time to be alone. I need some time to think things over and reevaluate. Now please don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with us. You're the most amazing man I've ever met. We're amazing together. It's just that I feel we've been moving at such a breakneck speed and I need some time out to think. I need some space to breathe. I don't know for how long I'll be gone for. But wait for me patiently ok? One day I'll be back, better and stronger than ever. Then we'll have the life that we want. Until then, please be strong. Don't blame yourself. I love you so much, and it hurts me so much to see you hurting. So please, promise me you'll go on with life, but wait for me. Remember, we are worth fighting for._

 _Love Amelia._

As Owen reread the letter, he noticed a wet spot in the middle of the letter. It was then he realized that he had let a stray tear roll down his cheek and land on the letter. At the same time, he noticed a dried up spot at the left side of the letter. Apparently, Amelia had let a stray tear roll down her cheeks as well when she was writing the letter.

Gone. His wife just left like that with a simple letter. He had no idea where she went or how long would she be gone for.

He slowly sat on one of the chairs beside the dining table where she left the note and covered his head with his hands. He had no idea how things went downhill so fast. Just a few weeks ago, they were happily married and had agreed to start trying for a baby. Just 2 weeks ago- his heart was thumping in giddy anticipation as Amelia took the pregnancy test. He already had plans to convert the current study room into a nursery.

But then, the test turned out to be negative and everything went downhill from there. He remembered holding her in his arms, comforting her and telling her that it was ok, they could try again. But since the next day, she began avoiding him, working late night shifts at the hospital and discussing strictly about their patients only when she saw him at work.

Then a few nights ago she shouted at his face that she didn't want his baby anymore. Her sudden declaration to his face hit him hard like a ton of bricks thrown at his face. She could've punched him on the face and it would've hurt less. Where had he gone wrong? Maybe he should not have persuaded her into starting a family so soon after they got married. Maybe she just wasn't ready yet. But then, she should've told him straight up that she wasn't ready, instead of playing along with the idea and agreeing to start a family that night a few weeks ago. He found the whole thing so confusing.

Feeling numb, he automatically speed dialed Amelia's number. Her number was the first number in his speed dial as she was the person he called the most. It rang several times before it went into voicemail.

' _Hello there, this is Dr. Amelia Shepherd. You've reached her voice mail. Please leave a message.'_

Oh how he missed her sexy, lovely voice.

' _Amelia- it's Owen. I don't know where you are right now, I don't know where you're going. I don't even know why you left. But please, I'm begging you- if you hear this, please come back to me Amelia. I love you so much. It's ok if we don't have babies, I need you. Come back to me please.'_ he spoke into the voicemail, his voice cracking with emotion.

He tried calling her number several more times, but all his calls went into voicemail.

He finally gave up and almost banged his phone on the dining table in frustration. He slammed his fists instead on the dining table.

Damn this life! Just when he thought he was finally happy and had found the woman of his dreams, this had to happen.

Composing himself, he picked up his phone again and dialed another familiar number. He knew that given their history this person would be a surprising choice, but at that instant, he really didn't know who else to call.

' Owen?' Nathan Riggs picked up his phone after a couple of rings. His voice sounded surprised. Owen didn't blame him, because he hadn't called him personally on his phone for so many years.

'Riggs? I..Are you free for a drink now?'

' Owen- what is wrong?'Nathan sat up on his bed alarmed, putting down the journal he had been reading. Judging from the tone of Owen's voice, he knew that something terribly wrong had happened.

' It's Amelia. She's gone.'

' What?!'

' Yes- she took off just like that. She did leave a letter though.'

Owen's voice sounded devastated over the phone.

' Ok...we'll meet at Joe's in 15 minutes.' Nathan agreed, his heart already breaking for his friend.

* * *

Meanwhile, sitting at the back of the cab on the way to the airport, Amelia listened to the voicemail as tears were starting to form in her eyes.

She was already starting to feel guilty. Owen was the best guys she had ever met, he was so loving, kind, gentle and caring towards her. And yet now here she was, running away from him. Just like how she ran away from James, ran away from her life in LA. That was what she did best when things got tough. Bail. As much as it hurt her and tore deep into her soul to pen the letter and get away, she knew it had to be done.

She needed to get away from Seattle for a while. To get away from the hustle and bustle of work and the hospital. To get away from the busyness of Seattle. And most of all, to get away from married life.

She hated herself. She hated herself for bailing again, for running away from all her problems instead of facing it like an adult. She chastized herself for doing this to poor sweet clueless Owen and dashing his dreams of becoming a father.

But she couldn't help it, she felt too overwhelmed by her present circumstances. Everything about her marriage to Owen had been perfect during the first few months. They seldom argued, and had agreed to start trying for a baby. Then Meredith just had to carelessly mention about how she was let off the hook with Ellis because Derek was dead. That brought about a fresh onslaught of memories about Ryan's death and her unicorn baby which began to suffocate her. Since then, she felt like she

couldn't breathe. Although the negative pregnancy test brought temporary relief for her, she just couldn't bear to face Owen's hopeful look any longer and deal with the possibility of having yet another anencephalic baby.

As the voicemail reached the end, she switched off the voicemail and started scrolling through the photos on her phone camera roll. There were so many pics of her and Owen- photos during their first official date which she still kept in the phone, photos of their subsequent dates, even photos of the wedding day, which Maggie helped to take. Tears threatened to roll down her cheeks again as she realized that her marriage to Owen was already on the rocks after just 3 months. If only he knew the actual reason why she just wasn't ready to have children yet. She didn't know why- she just couldn't open up to him to tell the whole truth. She had a feeling that she might scare him away for good if she opened up her entire dark past to him.

Her phone rang once more, and Owen's caller ID and photo appeared on the screen of her phone. His caller ID photo was that of a photo taken of him during one of their dates the previous year. He was wearing a plaid shirt and she thought he looked so handsome in it. Since then, she had been too lazy and preoccupied with other things to change the photo. She let it ring several more times before it went into voicemail again. Then, gritting her teeth with resolve, she removed the SIM card from her phone.

That was it, she was now uncontactable.

She closed her eyes and began to clear her mind. Her thoughts slowly drifted to Addison, Charlotte and the rest of the LA gang. She suddenly realized how much she missed them. They were the ones who stood with her and supported her throughout her addiction and recovery, they were with her throughout her first pregnancy and the birth of her unicorn were her real friends. Whereas in Seattle, she barely had anyone. Sure- Owen loved her, and Maggie,April, Stephanie and eventually Alex were nice to her. But she barely communicated with the rest of her seemed to have a love hate relationship with her, which she felt leaned more towards the hate side. She never opened up to them and they never knew about her darkest secrets, except Alex who just recently got a tiny glimpse of it.

The taxi pulled up to the airport and she knew then that there was no turning back.

* * *

' She just left like that?' Riggs frowned.

He was at Joe's, sitting opposite a crestfallen looking Owen.

Owen gulped down his glass of scotch and almost slammed his glass on the table in frustration.

' Well, she did leave a note….' he pointed out, realizing that he left the note at home. 'She did mention in the note that she needed time to think things over and reevaluate, and would be back, but she didn't state for how long she would be gone for and where she's going to. She told me not to blame myself,and to stay strong and wait for her to return.'

' Well, maybe she just needs some space and time .' Riggs tried to reason. ' She'll be back a brand new and renewed person, just wait and see.

She's not leaving you Owen.'

' You don't understand, Riggs.' Owen banged his fist on the table, causing Nathan to jump in surprise and the people at the next table to turn to look at them.

'I'm sorry.' Owen muttered. ' It's just… you don't understand what I've been through. How are you so sure that she'll return? Do you know that after my first wife Cristina and I divorced, I thought that I would never find another woman to love. I was so lonely and empty inside. Then Amelia came and she was like a breath of fresh air to me. She was everything I had hoped for and dreamt of in a woman. I was looking forward to spending a lifetime with her and starting a family together with her. Heck, just a few weeks ago we agreed on starting a family. Then she had to leave me like this.' Owen placed his head in his hands and sighed heavily.

Riggs just remained silent as he sipped on his own vodka. He was at loss of words to say to the heartbroken man in front of him. He didn't know how to help Owen either. The least he could do was to listen.

A few moments of comfortable silence passed between them before Owen finally lifted his head up again to look at Riggs.

' **No woman seems to wanna have my child.** 'he lamented in a sad tone. ' I've always wanted to have kids, but no woman I've met seemed to share this dream of mine.'

' I know you've always wanted to have kids.' Riggs said quietly.

' Cristina- she and I had this huge argument about having children.' Owen continued. ' She wanted to focus on her career, she was a very ambitious and driven woman. I respected that about her. But then, I foolishly thought that I could change her mind once we got married and had kids. Then she went ahead to abort our baby and that's when I knew that it was just not meant to be between us. We both had different ambitions and goals in life. She wanted a career, I wanted a career AND a family.'

' Then came Amelia. She did mention that she wanted 4-5 kids and of course I was on board with the idea. Like I said, we were happily planning to start a family. Then all of a sudden she seemed to freak out at the idea. Do you know that she yelled at my face a few nights ago that she didn't want to have a baby, and then took off to Mer's? When she blurted that sentence out, I felt that she had stabbed a knife into my heart. I really don't know what happened within the span of a few weeks to cause her to make a 360 degree turn on the idea of having kids.'

' Owen- there has to be a reason for that.' Nathan said sensibly. ' I'm sure she wouldn't just change her mind like that for no reason. Maybe she is hiding something from you, maybe she has some demons in her past which she needs to face and take care of first. I think you really need to have a heart to heart talk with her when she returns. Both of you need to sort things out.'

' WHEN she returns?!'Owen exclaimed. ' More like IF she ever returns.'

' Owen, we have to be positive here.' Nathan tried to calm him down. ' You said she did write in the letter that she just needed some time to think things over and reevaluate. She'll be back. She's not running away for good.'

' I don't know where she is, for how long she'll be gone for , and when will she be back, and it's driving me crazy.'Owen admitted as he gestured to Joe to refill his glass.

' Ok, listen here Owen. We'll wait ok? We'll wait for her to return.' Nathan suggested. 'If..'

' Wait? How long would we wait for her for?' Owen interrupted.

' Shhh… listen here.' Nathan was getting slightly irritated at Owen for not listening to his reasoning.

' We'll wait for a few months. If she doesn't return back after a few months, we'll go looking for her.'

' A few months?!' Owen sounded incredulous. ' How am I supposed to wait for a few months without knowing where my wife is and when will she return?'

' I want my wife back!' he exclaimed loudly, banging his fists on the table as several heads turned over to look at him.

Nathan knew that Owen had too much to drink and was starting to lose his control. He quickly walked over to Owen, and linking his arm in his, escorted him out of the bar into his car to drive him back to his house.

His heart really went out to Owen, he knew how much Owen loved Amelia. But at the same time, he knew that Amelia needed some privacy at the moment. He had grown fond of the couple and he really wished he could do something to help them. But at the moment, there was nothing much he could do except be there for Owen.

* * *

Amelia had been lucky to get a last minute ticket to LA at the Seattle airport.

The flight encountered turbulence several times, and had rough landing at the LAX as there was a huge downpour. By the time she disembarked from the plane, she was feeling a little nauseous.

She got into a cab and handed the driver the familiar house address which she wrote neatly on a piece of paper.

It had been several years since she last step foot in Addison and Jake's house, and suddenly she couldn't wait. She missed the place and how she always felt welcome there anytime, she also missed the occupants of the house so much.

Looking at her watch, she noted that it was almost midnight, which meant everyone might be asleep already.

She took out her phone to call Addison , then remembered that she had unplugged the phone's SIM card.

Cursing to herself, she suddenly realized how unprepared she was for this spontenous trip to LA. She hadn't even informed any of the LA gang that she was coming to LA. She hadn't even informed Bailey that she was leaving Seattle and Grey Sloan Memorial. She had not booked any hotels or looked for any place to stay yet while in LA. She didn't even know how long would she be there for. She just knew that she had to go back there. It was yet another spur of the moment decision which she made.

Chances were, if Addison and Jake were asleep, she might be homeless tonight.

' Here is the house you're looking for mam.' said the taxi driver as he stopped in front of Addison's house.

Looking at the house, Amelia felt a feeling of nostalgia engulf her. She missed the house, missed Addison, Jake and Henry and the rest of the LA gang so much.

Realizing that she had no umbrella with her, she paid the cab fare, and stepped out of the cab into the pouring rain, lugging her luggage behind.

Shivering from the cold, she rang the doorbell, praying that someone would answer the doorbell.

The couple of minutes she stood in front of the door under the pouring rain seemed like eternity.

Finally, the front door opened to reveal Addison Montgomery.

 **Alright peeps, this is it, part 1 of my post winter season finale arc. Hope you like it!**

 **The next part would be about Amelia in LA. Do stay tuned within the next few days or so!**

 **P.s As usual, please do let me know what you guys think. Any feedback, comments, reviews, are very much appreciated! I love to hear from you all! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**This is the continuation of 'Thinking It Over' part 1**

 **I've to admit - I didn't watch PP and don't have the time to watch the entire series, but lots of researching on PP Wikia and the wonderful Omelia GC helped a lot! Thanks to the Omelia GC girls who always readily answered my questions about PP:D**

 **Enjoy! :)**

* * *

Addison gasped in shock as she saw Amelia standing at her doorstep, shivering and soaking wet.

' Amelia?!'she whispered in surprise and disbelief. She just couldn't believe her eyes. Was this a dream? Sure, she did speak to Amelia on the phone at least once or twice a month and they FaceTimed occasionally, but for the past few months since Amelia had gotten married, they hadn't been keeping in touch with each other often. Addison concluded that Amelia was busy with her newly married life.

But now here Amelia was, standing right in front of her. Something was wrong, she could sense it.

Addison quickly sprang into elder sister mode once she recovered from her initial surprise upon seeing Amelia, taking Amelia's luggage.

' Come on in'. she ushered Amelia into the living room. 'You're soaking wet, damn it! You must be cold. I'll make you a cup of hot chocolate. But first, you should take a warm shower and change your clothes first.

' Who is it?' Jake called from up the stairs.

' It's Amelia' Addison answered.

Jake was at Addison's side in an instant.

' Amelia?!' he exclaimed. 'You're here!'

' Shhh….Henry is sleeping' Addison whispered. ' And Amelia here needs a shower and some warm clothes.'

' You can sleep in the guest room.' Addison offered, as Jake took Amelia's luggage into the guest room and Amelia followed behind, smiling gratefully at Addison.

' Why do you think she suddenly appeared on our doorstep?' Jake whispered standing by Addison's side in the kitchen as she busied herself making hot chocolate for Amelia.

' I have no idea why and I'm not interested to know. All I know is that she came to us for help and she needs us now.' she replied, shrugging.

A moment of silence passed in between them as they listened to the sound of the shower running.

' I'll have a talk with her later. Find out what is actually happening. You can go to bed first.' offered Addison as she set the cup of hot chocolate down on the coffee table.

* * *

It was a good half an hour before Amelia finally appeared in the living room, looking refreshed in dry clothes.

Her face lit up upon seeing the hot chocolate.

Addison gestured her to sit down.

' Now spill.' she said. 'What brings you here to LA?'

' I….I need a break.' Amelia muttered, sipping her cup of hot chocolate.

' A break? A break from what?' Addison asked gently. She was curious as to what brought Amelia here, but she didn't want to prod her friend any further than she was comfortable with.

' From Seattle, from Owen.' Amelia admitted.

' From Owen? Why? Have you both been fighting? Last I checked, both of you were happily married.' Addison furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

' Well… we did…we had a huge fight. I… yelled at his face that I didn't want to have a baby.' Amelia blurted out as tears of regret started filling her eyes. ' We were so happy together and were planning to have a baby together. He wanted to start a family so bad. Then I freaked out and ran away like I always do….and now here I am.'

Before Addison could reply, Amelia broke down in sobs. The recent turn of events, the result of bottling her feelings all up inside and keeping them to herself had finally taken its toll on her. Now that she was here in LA, safely in the company of her good friend Addison, she finally felt secure enough to reveal her fragile self.

Addison decided not to prod Amelia any further. Amelia would reveal any further details about what happened when she felt more comfortable. Right now, what she needed most was support and a shoulder to cry on.

She slowly scooted towards Amelia, pulled the younger woman close and held her in her arms and rocking her back and forth as she as she continued sobbing. The sobs turned into sniffles and Amelia began dozing off in Addison's arms. Noticing how tired and overwhelmed Amelia was, Addison escorted her into the guest bedroom, gently laid her down on the bed and covered the blankets on her. What Amelia needed now was a good night's rest.

* * *

Amelia woke up the next morning to the sunlight shining through her windows and a bad headache. She rubbed the sleep off from her eyes. It took her a few seconds to recall that she was no longer in her bedroom in Seattle with Owen, but she was in the guest bedroom in Addison and Jake's house.

She could smell the aroma of freshly brewed coffee from the kitchen downstairs. Just sniffing the aroma made her feel more awake and better already.

She slowly made her way down to the kitchen where she found Addison busy making some coffee and preparing toast.

Addison gave her a warm smile as she looked up and saw her entering the kitchen.

' Morning.' she greeted. ' You had a good sleep last night?'

' Yeah I did.' Amelia answered, taking a seat opposite Addison at the kitchen counter. She gratefully accepted the cup of coffee and the piece of peanut butter toast which Addison offered her.

' You feeling better today?' Addison asked.

' Yeah' Amelia muttered, sipping on her cup of coffee.

A moment of comfortable silence passed in between them before Addison decided to ask Amelia any further questions. She knew that Amelia wasn't going to voluntarily offer any information about the reason she came, unless she was being prodded.

' So tell me what exactly happened, Amelia.' Addison said gently. ' You know you can tell me anything.'

Amelia took another sip of her coffee and put down her cup slowly, feeling the welcome sensation of warm coffee travelling down her throat.

' I thought I told you everything last night.' she finally answered.

' Amelia- I didn't really get what you were saying last night. You were sobbing in my arms.' Addison reminded her. ' You said something about having a huge fight with Owen.'

' Don't you have to go to work today Addie? And where are Jake and Henry?' Amelia stole a glance at the clock in the kitchen which read 9 am.

' I've called Charlotte to inform her that I wouldn't be going in today.' Addison explained. ' She'll meet up with us for dinner after work. Jake went to work and sent Henry to school'

' So…let's not talk about me now, but focus on YOU.' Addison deflected. ' What happened between you and Owen? I thought both of you were happily married.'

' We were.' Amelia replied. ' Owen really wanted kids. And I thought I was on board with the decision to have kids. We both wanted 4-5 kids. In fact just 2 months into the marriage we agreed to not wait and start trying.'

Addison looked into Amelia's eyes, silently urging her to continue.

' Then, I thought I was pregnant.' Amelia continued. ' I was late- which never happened before. I made the mistake of blurting out to several people at work that I was pregnant before actually taking the test. I was excited, and even asked Meredith how did she tell Derek about her pregnancies. Then she just had to mention that with Ellis, she was let off the hook because he was dead. That sentence itself reminded me how with the unicorn baby I didn't have to tell Ryan because he was dead. It suddenly reminded me of Ryan and my unicorn baby, and I realized that I just couldn't do it all over again. I can't give birth to yet another anencephalic baby, Addie. '

' I know, Amelia, I know.' Addison said calmly. She was there with Amelia throughout Amelia's entire pregnancy with the unicorn baby, right from the diagnosis to the birth, so she knew exactly what Amelia had been through.

Amelia swallowed thickly before she continued. ' That night I took the pregnancy test. It turned out to be negative. I was so relieved when it was negative. Isn't it bad of me, to be so relieved when Owen clearly wanted it to be positive? The look on his face, Addie, he was so disappointed when it was negative. That was when I knew I just couldn't go through this again. I couldn't give in to his hopes to get pregnant and go through the entire ordeal of having yet another anencephalic baby. So I avoided him for the past 2 weeks. Then a few nights ago, I just straight up yelled at his face that I didn't wanna have a baby. The look on his face- he was so devastated. I'm just so ashamed of myself now, I can't face him any longer. I am the worst wife ever. He had been nothing but kind, caring and loving towards me, and this is how I repay him.'

Amelia finally drew in a deep breath after pouring her entire hearts contents out to Addison. She felt a huge burden being lifted off her chest at finally being able to talk to someone who actually knew and understood what she had been through.

' Did you tell him about your unicorn baby?' Addison asked. ' Maybe if you told him, he might understand why you're afraid to have another baby.'

' I did mention it in passing once- but we never brought up the topic anymore after that.' Amelia replied sighing.

' You see, that's the problem. ' Addison said, looking at Amelia in the eye as the younger woman grabbed a piece of toast and munched on it hungrily. ' You should've told him the whole truth- told him everything about your unicorn baby. If he's half the decent guy you're making him out to be, he would understand. If he knew about your previous pregnancy and why you're so afraid to go through that again, he wouldn't force you into a similar situation if you're not ready, would he?'

Amelia remained silent for a moment, contemplating Addison's words.

' Maybe.' she finally said. 'But I just can't bring myself to tell him. I can't find the right words to say to him. I think a part of me is afraid that he might bail on me if he found out about my darkest secrets.'

' Did you tell him about Ryan?' Addison asked.

' Yes, I did open up to him about Ryan and my drug addiction one night.' Amelia admitted.

' So? What else is there to hide?' Addison was genuinely confused now.

' Because if I tell him about my unicorn baby, that he died because of anencephaly, Owen might leave me because he would think that I can only produce anencephalic babies!' Amelia finally replied. " I cannot give him an anencepalic baby!'

' Amelia.' said Addison firmly but gently. ' The risk of recurrence is only about 2-4%, I thought I have told you this before.'

' But what if I'm the 2-4%? You know that the universe is always against me, Addie.' Amelia rebutted.

Addison shook her head.

She was about to ask Amelia how was she so sure that she would be the 2-4%, when her phone rang.

Addison's eyes widened as she looked at the caller ID.

' It's Meredith.' she whispered to Amelia. 'I forgot- she has my number.'

Now Amelia's eyes widened as well.

' Don't tell her I'm here!' Amelia whispered back frantically.

' Hello? Meredith?' Addison answered.

Amelia could only hear Addison's side of the conversation.

' What?! Amelia is gone?! Where did she go to?' Addison pretended to sound alarmed.

Amelia had to stiffle a giggle. Clearly Addison deserved an Oscar.

' I have no idea, Meredith. No, she isn't with me. Have you tried calling the police?'

' I know, I know Owen and all of you are worried. I'll let you know if she is here ok?'

Addison hung up and glared at Amelia.

' Thanks' Amelia said meekly.

' Now there's going to be a Wanted sign of you everywhere in Seattle.' Addison half joked. ' Is that really what you want?'

' I just need time to think. I don't want them to find me here.' Amelia reasoned.

' Meredith said that Owen wouldn't work and has been going around asking every single person in the hospital whether they have any idea of your whereabouts.' said Addison. ' Don't you feel the slightest bit of remorse at that?' she asked gently, trying not to sound too harsh towards her friend, but at the same time trying to install some sense into her.

Amelia pretended to seem interested in the shiny kitchen counter once more.

' I do….I feel so sorry for him, but Addie, I'm just not ready to face him yet.'

Addison sighed, finally giving in. She knew that Amelia can be really stubborn at times and there was no use in forcing her into something she refused to do.

' I just really wanted some time to think' Amelia repeated her reasoning again as she sipped on her cup of coffee.

* * *

It was dinner time and she was sitting at a nearby restaurant with Addison and Charlotte. They had just finished their respective plates of steak.

Charlotte sighed as she put her own apple juice down. Cooper offered to stay home with the kids so she could spend some time catching up with her old friend. Amelia had just finished telling her the entire story, repeating the exact details she had told Addison earlier on during the day.

' Amelia' she said. ' Listen to me. Running away from your problems isn't going to do you any good. You're just postponing facing the truth, and it's making things worse. You and Owen are going to drift apart. Right now, he doesn't know the exact reason why you're afraid to have kids. He thinks it's his problem, that you don't want to have kids with him. He's going to be very upset and blame himself. You have to talk to him Amelia. You need to have a good chat with him and open up to him about your past, and your innermost fears. That's what being married is about. Now me and Cooper tell each other everything. That is one of the secrets of marriage.'

' I'm just not ready to talk to him yet, you know? I'm afraid that if I tell him my innermost fears and the exact reason why I'm afraid to have another baby, he would leave me.' Amelia explained.

' But if he's half the decent guy you claim he is, he would understand.' Charlotte pressed on. ' You really have to tell him Amelia.'

Amelia remained silent, stirring her drink with her straw.

' Or do you want me to do it for you?' Charlotte asked, as Amelia suddenly looked up from her drink.

' Do what?' she asked puzzled.

' Fly to Seattle and tell Major Hunt your entire story so that he understands where you're coming from since you wouldn't do it yourself. If he still doesn't understand, I would kick his butt for you.'

Amelia gasped in horror. She just couldn't imagine how a personal conversation between them about her would be like. The worst thing was that she knew Charlotte was a woman of her words and would do exactly as she mentioned. Charlotte revoking her right to operate when she operated drunk on a patient was a perfect example of that.

'I'm scared, Charlotte.' Amelia explained. 'I'm scared that if I go back to him, chances are that I would get pregnant and have another anencephalic baby. I'm scared to death of that possibility, I just can't carry yet another anencephalic baby to term. '

' I already reminded her about the 2-4% possibility' Addison interjected before Charlotte could reply.

Charlotte's expression softened at Amelia's confession. She always had a soft spot for Amelia and she knew exactly what Amelia had been through during her Private Practice years. She also saw Amelia through her addictions and her pregnancy with her unicorn baby.

' I still don't condone you running away like that.' she said firmly but gently. ' You should face your issues like an adult and have a heart to heart talk with Owen about what's haunting you inside. That's the only way you can move forward. But for now, I understand that you need space and time. How long would you be here for?'

' I don't know.' Amelia replied honestly. She really had no idea how long she would be in LA for.

' Well, I'll reserve a place for you at Oceanside Wellness if you want. You know that you're always welcome back there.' said Charlotte, a smile starting to form on her face. ' But I really do hope that you consider going back to Seattle when you're ready to sort out your issues with Owen Hunt. If not- I would kick your ass back to Seattle.'

A smile started to form on Amelia's face as well. She just couldn't wait to meet the rest of the gang again, she missed them all. She was so grateful for Charlotte, who was like a mother figure to her and always gave her tough love when she needed it.

* * *

It was a joyful reunion the next day as Amelia returned to Oceanside Wellness after so many years. Many hugs and tears of joy were exchanged as the rest of the gang welcomed her back with open arms. They missed her and she really missed them.

As she exchanged a hug with Violet she spotted James walking in to join the group that was surrounding her.

' Hey' James greeted her casually.

' Hey' she smiled back at him nervously. She knew that they had so many unresolved issues between them after she called off their engagement over the phone.

She was grateful when Violet and Sheldon saved them from having an awkward conversation by pulling her away and leading her to a patient who needed a neuro consult.

* * *

The days flew by. Before she knew it, Amelia had already been back in Oceanside Wellness for about 2 weeks.

She was getting used to her new life in LA. She had much more free time, and was leading a more relaxed life. There were less patients to consult , and she could spend more time on each patient.

Her colleagues there were all friendly and treated her so well, always chatting with her and inviting her out for tea or dinner. They were like one big happy family. She enjoyed the shopping trips she had with Addison, Charlotte or Violet during their off days. There was never a dull moment when she was there. She would help babysit Henry, Mason and Charlotte's triplets. She was always surrounded by company. The only person who didn't really speak to her was James, which was understandable considering how she ran away from him several years ago. She did apologize to him one day, and he accepted her apology. Since then, they were on friendly terms but still did not spend time alone together any longer.

Yes, she was happy in LA and was feeling more carefree than she had ever felt for a long time.

But she still felt that something was missing from her life. Deep down inside, she still felt empty.

At night, when everyone had gone to bed, she would lie awake on the bed in Addison's guest room and reevaluate her life. Was this really what she wanted? Did she belong in LA?

Sure, she was happy in LA. Sure, she had many friends and was well accepted there.

Then her mind would drift to the nights she spent snuggled up with Owen in their huge comfortable king sized bed in Seattle.

She would get out of bed, take out her wallet from her handbag and stare at the only reminder she had of Owen with her, a small photo of both of them at the photo booth on their wedding day, smiling happily and beaming.

She had deactivated her Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts so that no one in Seattle could get hold of her.

But alone in her bedroom at nights, her mind would wander to Seattle. She wondering how Maggie, Meredith and the Shepherd kids were. She wondered how the rest of the Seattle gang were. She wondered how was the neurosurgery department coping without her. Most of the time though, she thought about Owen. How was he coping without her? Was he thinking about her too? Was he still waiting for her? Or was he burying himself in his work? Or worse still, had he found another woman to love? Another woman who was willing to give him what he wanted- a family?

Those late hours at night, she was so tempted to get her old phone number back, to reactivate her social network accounts.

But then she would drift off to sleep, and wake up to another full day, pushing Seattle and Owen to the back of her mind once again.

* * *

One day, 2 weeks after Amelia was in LA, she was enjoying some downtime after consulting a patient when Charlotte poked her head into the consultation room.

'Amelia- there is someone who wants to meet you' she said.

' Who is it?' Amelia asked enthralled, her heart suddenly racing fast. Was it one of the Seattle gang? Was it….Owen?

Without answering, Charlotte led Amelia towards a young couple sitting in the waiting room with a boy, looking to be about 5 years old.

' They would just like to thank you.' Charlotte said as they approached the family.

' Thank me? Thank me for what?' Amelia asked bewildered. She didn't even know the family.

Charlotte didn't manage to reply as they were now standing in front of the family.

' This is Dr. Shepherd.' Charlotte introduced Amelia to the family. ' She's the one whose baby saved Jason's life.

' Dr. Shepherd! So glad to meet you! It's nice to finally put a face to the name!' the woman said, smiling in delight as she shook Amelia's hand. The man also had a similar smile on his face as he shook Amelia's hand next.

' We cannot express our gratitude towards you. Without you, Jason here wouldn't even be alive right now.' said he said.

Amelia smiled politely back at them and turned to Charlotte for an explanation.

' This young man here, Jason Wilkins, received your unicorn baby's heart. He had been born with a severe form of Tetralogy of Fallot. He made a full recovery after the transplant.' Charlotte said, smiling.

Amelia tried to hold back tears at the mention of her unicorn baby. Standing in front of her was a living piece of her unicorn baby. In a way, he was not truly gone. She put on a brave face as she chatted with the parents and the boy and they exchanged contacts.

Charlotte knew that her friend was putting on a brave front. As soon as they parted ways with the family, she pulled Amelia into a nearby vacant room.

Amelia broke down in tears as soon as they both were in the privacy of the room.

' I just….why do I have to be reminded about my unicorn baby again?' she cried out.

' Amelia.' said Charlotte, putting a comforting arm around her shoulder. ' Your unicorn baby was your past, but he'll always be a part of you. Do you see that? He saved so many lives. He is now living through Jason and through the many other children he saved. How great is that? He's a miracle baby indeed. So please don't push him away from you . Instead, embrace your fond memories of him, because he lives on forever in you. '

' Charlotte' Amelia said suddenly, looking up teary eyed at her friend. ' Can you bring me to his grave? I need to visit him.'

* * *

The following day found Amelia standing in front of the unicorn baby's grave, with Charlotte, Cooper, Addison and Jake standing a respectable distance from her, watching.

The gust of cold air blowing on their faces reminded them that winter was just around the corner.

Amelia stood staring at the tombstone in front of her. She hadn't visited the tombstone for 5 years, ever since her unicorn baby had been buried. She felt guilty about it- but she just couldn't bring herself to visit him because it would bring back a flood of painful memories to her.

On the tombstone was engraved the words

' _Beautiful unicorn baby._

 _Lived for 43 minutes but saved so many lives. Forever in our hearts.'_

Amelia could feel the tears pooling in her eyes as she read the words. She felt a sudden stab of guilt in her heart at having not visited the grave for so long. She was trying to ignore him and his existence when she in fact missed him so dearly.

She slowly bent down and placed a fresh bouquet of white roses which she had brought on the way to the grave in front of the gravestone.

She stepped back and stood in front of the grave, wiping away a tear.

Her 4 friends stood watching, their hearts going out to her. They knew how brave she was to have gone through this entire ordeal of giving birth to the unicorn baby, and they also knew that this was the closure she needed.

' I'm sorry' Amelia said softly, but loud enough for her friends to hear.

' Mommy is so sorry for not coming to see you for so long. Mommy can't say that she's too busy to come, because she would be lying. Mommy just can't bear to face the feelings of missing you so much it hurts. I miss you so much buddy, you know that right? I really hope you're happy in heaven , looking down and smiling at us. I wish to think that you're in a better place now, a place where there's no hurt, no anger, no pain, no suffering. In a way, you're lucky buddy- you got spared from having to feel all that. I hope all you feel is joy in heaven.'

Amelia closed her eyes for a moment and tried to imagine what her son would've been like. He would've been 5 now, running around and the playground and maybe even playing soccer already.

' Buddy.'she whispered. ' I'll always miss you so much and you'll always be my firstborn and have a special place in my heart. You know that a boy you saved just came to visit me today? I'm sure you would've been proud of yourself for saving so many lives during your short stay here on earth. I'm so proud of you too.'

After a few more quiet moments, Amelia slowly walked away from the grave with tears pooling in her eyes as her friends followed quietly behind.

For her- it marked a closure in this chapter of her life. Her unicorn baby would always have a special place in her heart, and she would always miss him dearly. But she knew that she could not cling on to the memories of him which she buried deep inside. She knew that she had to go on with life. She could not let the fear of having yet another anencephalic baby hold her back from the life she deserved with Owen. They both wanted kids and a family, and the irrational fear of the possibility of a recurrence kept her away from him and this dream they shared.

* * *

' So how are you feeling today?' Charlotte asked later that night after she and Amelia had put the kids to bed. Cooper had gone out for a few drinks with some old friends.

Amelia had spent the entire day with Charlotte, Mason and the triplets after returning from the grave, while the others returned back to work. Spending time with the kids helped cheer her up. They went to the park, and had a relaxing dinner at the nearby restaurant.

Charlotte had taken the rest of the day off to be with Amelia, as she knew that her friend would need some emotional support after the visit to the grave.

They were both sitting on the couch in the living room in front of the TV, but barely watching the TV.

' I'm feeling better after visiting his grave.' Amelia admitted. ' I feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel relieved and free at last.'

' So this is the closure you needed.' Charlotte pointed out. ' You needed to face the pain of your past and let go in order to move forward to your future. Your unicorn baby is your past, but now Owen and any future children you might have are your future. '

' What do you mean Owen and any future children I might have?' Amelia frowned.

She barely spoke about Owen to her friends.

' I can see the look in your eyes everyday.' said Charlotte. ' You act happy and carefree here, but your eyes betray you. I know that look- it's a look of loneliness, sadness and longing buried deep under the facade of happiness and laughter. I can see through you, Amelia.'

Amelia swallowed deeply, surprised by how observant her friend was, and how well she knew her.

' Don't lie to me. ' Charlotte added firmly but gently. ' You still think about him everyday don't you? You do miss him, don't you?'

' Yes' Amelia sighed, knowing that she had to admit the truth to Charlotte. With Charlotte, she could never lie or hide a secret, she was bound to find out sooner or later. ' I think about him every night.' she added.

' Amelia- your place is back in Seattle, not here. Sure, we're your good friends and you're welcome to visit and stay with us anytime you want. But this is not your home anymore. Your home is back in Seattle with Major Hunt, with your sisters, nephew, nieces and the rest of the Seattle gang.' said Charlotte. ' Please don't get me wrong, we all love to have you here, it's just- your future is waiting for you back in Seattle not here.'

Amelia remained silent as she contemplated Charlotte's words. Actually what Charlotte said was true, her home was not here in LA, but back in Seattle. Sure, she felt happy and welcome here, but there was a part of her missing. And now she knew what it was.

' Now that you've got your closure today, let your unicorn baby be a part of you always, but move forward. ' Charlotte continued. ' Like I said, go back to Seattle to find Major Hunt. Tell him your whole story, about your unicorn baby and why you're so afraid. If he rejects you because of that, give me a call and I'll fly over there to kick his ass for you. Seriously, both of you need to sort things out. Please don't let your past and your fears stop you from a future you deserve.'

Amelia found a smile slowly making its way to her face. This was the first time for the past few months she had felt so happy and relieved.

' Thank you Charlotte,' she said gratefully. She was really thankful for such a good friend like her, who really cared for her.

' So go back to Seattle, sort out your issues and do me proud.' said Charlotte patting Amelia on the shoulder.

' Maybe I should book a ticket back there.' Amelia contemplated.

' Then do it! If not, I'll do it for you.' Charlotte prodded.

' Ok then.' Amelia conceded. 'Let's do it together.'

The next half and hour was spent on Charlotte's laptop, searching for the cheapest flight ticket back to Seattle the following day.

' Done' said Charlotte, patting Amelia's shoulder once the ticket was booked.

' Now go back to Seattle and fuck Major Hunt.' she added as Amelia's face turned as red as a tomato in response.

 **The next chapter will be focused on Owen and how he was coping with Amelia's absence back in Seattle.**

 **P.s As usual, please do let me know what you guys think. Any feedback, comments, reviews, are very much appreciated! I love to hear from you all! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thinking It Over- Part 3**

 **This is a direct continuation of ' Thinking It Over' part 1. This chapter would explore how Owen was coping with Amelia's absence back in Seattle.**

 **To read about how Amelia is doing in LA, read ' Thinking It Over' part 2**

* * *

Owen had woken up the next day with a terrible headache. He had downed almost 10 glasses of scotch at Joe's the night before, until Nathan had to drive and escort him home. Now he was having the worst hangover ever of his life.

He turned over to Amelia's side of the bed and sighed. It was empty, reminding him again that she was gone. Gone, with a letter. Gone, just like Cristina, just like all the other women in his life who left him. He already missed waking up to her snuggling beside him in bed and sniffing the vanilla scent on her hair.

The clock beside the bed showed 7am.

He was so tempted to just stay in bed the whole day nursing his hangover and mourning over his wife leaving him, and but he had to go to work today.

As he showered and dressed, he realized that most of Amelia's clothes, and jewellery were gone. She did however leave her perfume, toiletries and several clothes behind. Maybe that's a good sign? Maybe it's a sign that she would be back eventually?

Making himself a glass of water, coffee and toast, he wondered where Amelia went. He reread the letter again. Clearly she needed some time to think- so like Nathan said the night before, they had to give her some time and space. But how long did she need? Where did she go? When would she be back? He didn't know.

* * *

By 8 am sharp, he was at the hospital.

' Hey Owen,' April Kepner greeted him as he step foot into the ER. ' You're early today, I thought you're not supposed to come in until 9am. Unless you want me to handover to you and go back early to see Harriet.' she joked.

Her cheerful demeanor changed when she saw Owen's facial expression. He seemed downcast and crestfallen.

' Is everything ok?' she asked, concerned for her colleague.

' Amelia is gone.' he said in a low monotonous tone.

' What?!' April wasn't sure if she heard Owen correctly. ' Gone? Gone where?'

' I don't know, April. She just left last night- leaving a letter saying that she needed time to think things over, and to wait for her to come back.'

' Do you know where she went? How long did she say she'll be gone for?' April pressed on. She had developed a soft spot for the couple, and seeing Owen looking so sad like that made her sad too. She wished she could do something to help him.

' No. She didn't say where she went or how long she would be gone for. I've no idea.' Owen answered as he leaned against the counter, resting his head on his hands. He still had a terrible headache, which was caused by the combination of Amelia leaving and a hangover.

' Hmmm…. think properly, do you know where is the most likely place she would go to for refuge?' April asked helpfully.

Owen frowned as he concentrated on thinking.

' She did mention several times about how she missed her friends in LA. And she talks to Addison and another friend…I think Charlotte a few times per month.'

' So there you have it!' April cried out as if she just had an epiphany. ' She might be visiting them in LA.'

April's loud proclamation caused several nurses and residents to look in their direction.

' Sorry.' April whispered. ' But yes, think about it. She might be there for all you know.'

' Kepner.'

Both April and Owen looked up to see Meredith Grey walking towards them.

' Kepner- the patient in bed 3 doesn't seem like she has appendicitis, I think we'll observe her for another few hours, then I'll reevaluate her again.' said Meredith.

April nodded her head.

' By the way- who might be where?' Meredith asked in curiosity, as she had just caught the end of Owen and April's conversation.

' Ermmm…..Amelia…..she's gone.' Owen answered.

' Gone? What do you mean gone. Gone where?' Meredith asked puzzled.

' She left with a letter.' Owen answered.

He finally took the letter out from his pocket for his two colleagues to read.

' It seems like she needs some space and time.' Meredith agreed.

' So what am I gonna do?' Owen asked exasperated. ' I don't know where she went or how long she would be there for. April suggested that she might be in LA with her friends?'

' I know she's close to Derek's ex-wife, Addison' Meredith offered. ' She has mentioned about Addison several times before. But she has never been back there to LA since she settled down here, so I don't know.'

' Why don't we ask several of our colleagues and nurses who work with her whether she left any message for them?' April suggested.

After April made sure that all the patients in the ER were stable and told several senior residents to page her immediately if anything came in, the 3 of them plus Maggie Pierce went up to the Neuro ward. Maggie looked really upset, she had developed a soft spot for Amelia over the past couple of years she had gotten to know her, and the news of Amelia's disappearance was taking its toll on her.

' What?! She's gone! Whose service should I be on today?' Stephanie Edwards cried out in shock when they asked her if she knew about the whereabouts of her mentor.

' She didn't tell you anything? Hand over any patients to you? Tell you how long she would be gone for?' Owen asked, feeling his heart sink again. He had hoped that Amelia would at least leave Stephanie a message of some sort.

' No! I had no clue that she would just leave like that!' Stephanie seemed devastated as well that the attending and mentor she respected so much would just leave like that.

Dr. Nelson, who always took over Amelia's cases when she was on leave, had no idea where she went as well, when they approached him. She had not handed over any cases to him, but now he would have to take over all her cases, and he felt the beginning of a huge headache. How was he going to cope without Amelia Shepherd around?

Miranda Bailey's reaction was the best of all. She was livid.

' What?! Shepherd just left like that without informing me! How dare she do that! That's so irresponsible of her. I thought she was better than that! So who is going to be the Head of Neurosurgery now?! Nelson?! How about all her long standing patients who only she knows the history about? If you find her, tell her to get her ass back here to Seattle!'

After realizing that Amelia left without a trace, without leaving a message to anyone, Meredith, Maggie and Owen sat down dejectedly at the nurses counter in the Neuro department.

April was paged down to the ER so she excused herself and left. Owen was supposed to clock in very soon, but she knew that he was not in the right state of mind to work just yet, so she volunteered to stay back for an extra couple of hours while Owen gathered himself.

Meredith suddenly remembered that she had Addison's phone number stored in one of Derek's old handphones.

' Ah ha' she exclaimed. ' I think I do have Addison's phone number. Let me check. Wait here'

She ran to the attendings lounge and rummaged through Derek's old locker which she never brought herself to clear up, as she subconsciously still wanted to cling on to memories of him.

She returned several minutes later with Derek's old phone.

' Here it is - Addison's number. ' she announced triumphantly.

' Hello Addison?' she felt her heart beating at hearing the voice of Derek's ex-wife. But this wasn't about them now, it was about Amelia. ' Just wanted to know, is Amelia with you?'

' Oh..' Meredith shook her head, as a silent signal to Owen and Maggie that Amelia wasn't there with Addison.

' Yeah, she left just like that, she wrote a letter saying that she needed some time off. Owen has been looking throughout the entire hospital for her, he just can't work not knowing where she is.'

' Ermm….no it's ok, I don't think it's necessary, she left voluntarily and needed some space.'

' Ok thanks.'

Meredith hung up to face a devastated looking Owen and a disappointed looking Maggie.

' Addison said that Amelia isn't there. She advised us to call the police and said that she would call us back if she receives any news from Amelia.' she announced.

' Then where could she be?!' Owen cried out, placing his head on his hands.

' Owen- calm down. It's not like she just suddenly went missing or was kidnapped. She did mention in her letter that she needed some time to think. Maybe she went somewhere for a retreat, to clear her mind.' Meredith tried to suggest sensibly as Maggie put a comforting arm around his shoulder.

Owen sighed, knowing that what Meredith said was true. Amelia needed some time to think, and he wasn't going to help by searching for her when she wasn't ready to go back to him.

But he was still mad at her for just leaving like that, without informing Bailey or the neuro team or their colleagues. And she didn't inform him of her whereabouts or how long she would be there for.

' Damn it, Amelia' he thought to himself, as he watched Meredith and Maggie walk away to start rounding on their patients. He knew he had to go down to the ER to start his day too, but he wondered how was he going to work if he kept on thinking about her every single second of the day.

* * *

That day, Owen found himself busy in the ER with no time to think about Amelia. A drunk bus driver caused a massive pileup at the highway, and all the injured were sent to the ER. He told April to go home to Harriet, claiming that he could handle the sudden influx of patients himself. April reluctantly did so after he literally chased her out of the ER. Actually, during a normal day, he would've appreciated April's help, but seeing that April was exhausted after working the entire night in the ER and judging by the fact that she had mentioned Harriet several times since he started his shift, he knew that it was time for her to go home. Also, although he didn't mention it to April, he really needed to bury himself in work so that his mind wouldn't wander towards his missing wife again.

That night, he came home to an empty house totally exhausted after having tended to casualties non stop the entire day and konked out as soon as he hit the bed.

* * *

The next couple of weeks went by in a blur of activity. Owen would arrive early for his shift, bury himself in his work, and go home late. He ate his meals in the hospital, so that he did not have to make dinner or order takeout for one. He would try not to think about Amelia's hearty laughter as she sat across him in the hospital cafeteria, in a restaurant outside or at their kitchen counter during a meal as they exchanged stories about their patients.

He offered to take April's night shifts as well, so that she could spend more time with Harriet, and rekindle her relationship with Jackson. In a way, he felt jealous of her, she was having all that he wanted but couldn't have- a family.

He busied himself on purpose so that he would not have the time to think about his missing wife. It was easier that way, less painful. He didn't want to feel the pain, the hole he felt in his heart upon Amelia's departure.

He spent his nights lying on the hard uncomfortable beds in the on call rooms, instead of lying on the comfortable king sized bed in his own bedroom.

He tried his best to minimize the time he spent at home, because at home, every single thing reminded him of Amelia. Her vanilla scent perfume, her toiletries, the clothes she left behind. Even his own clothes reminded him of her, because she loved wearing his shirts sometimes at home, leaving her scent on his shirts.

He found himself on several occasions calling Amelia, or logging onto his social network accounts- just in case she would answer or update her status, only to discover that she had deactivated her old phone number as well as all her social network accounts.

He would check his email and even his mailbox several times a day for any news from her, but there was none.

There were lonely nights lying alone in the on call room when he would contemplate just flying to LA to find her. Sure, Addison had said that she wasn't there, but what if she actually was and Addison was just covering up for her? But then again, he thought, even if she was actually there, but deactivated her phone number and her social accounts, she was clearly making a statement that she wanted nothing to do with him or the others in Seattle for the moment. She obviously wanted to be left alone. That thought hurt him so bad. He had been nothing but caring and loving towards her, and yet this is how she repaid him. By leaving him just like that. He was beginning to think that he would never find a woman who genuinely loved him. Maybe he was just not meant to fall in love or start a family.

* * *

Before he knew it, 2 weeks had passed since Amelia's departure. There was still no news from her.

' Owen, you should really go back home to get some rest.' April told him one evening in the ER, after they had cleared the last of their patients up to the ward. ' Jackson has Harriet for the night, so it's ok, I can work my night shift tonight. You've been taking all my nights shifts this past couple of weeks- I'm starting to really feel bad. Bailey has been asking me today whether everything is ok with Harriet and why I haven't been working nights for the past couple of weeks. I had to explain to her that you actually volunteered.'

Owen shook his head in response. How could he explain to April that he just didn't want to go back to an empty home?

' Maggie, tell Owen to go back home to get some rest.' April called out to Maggie, who had just walked past them after a quick check in the ER told her that she had no remaining patients there.

Maggie stopped in her tracks and walked towards the two trauma surgeons.

She studied Owen from head to toe and shook her head.

' Seriously Owen. You look so tired, pale and worn out. You look like a zombie.' she pointed out honestly.

' Geez, thanks Maggie.' Owen replied sarcastically.

' No, really Owen.' said Maggie. ' You really need some rest. I notice that you've been spending almost all your time in the hospital lately. I go home for the night, and when I return the next morning you're still here in the same clothes.'

' You don't want to go home do you?' April pointed out wisely. ' Because if you go home, everything there reminds you of her. Am I right?'

Owen nodded his head in defeat. There was no use in lying or hiding the truth from his colleagues and friends.

' I know,' said April softly. ' That time when Jackson and I were separated, everything at home reminded me of him.'

' So do you think there's still a chance for us?' Owen asked. ' Do you think there's still a chance of Amelia returning and the both of us getting back together?'

' I'm in no place to judge.' Maggie shrugged. ' But based on what I learnt about Amelia since I've come to know her, I think it's safe to say that she'll come to her senses and return to you one day.'

' I always believe that even if something seems like it cannot be fixed, it doesn't mean that it's broken.' said April, sighing and smiling as she looked up to the ceiling.

' What are you talking about?' Owen asked frowning.

' Obviously she's talking about her and Jackson.' said Maggie. ' Now com'on, go back and have a good rest and a shower.' she urged him, pushing him gently on the shoulder.

* * *

He just couldn't do it. That night, after ordering takeout for one and eating alone at the kitchen counter, he found himself lying on the bed alone, reading a journal. He couldn't focus on the journal , he kept on stealing glances at the empty space beside him. His eyes drifted to the bedside photo of him and Amelia smiling widely during their wedding day. His glance went over to the perfume which she had left behind.

He just couldn't deal with this any longer.

Getting out of bed, he turned the photo facing downwards. He grabbed a jar of her perfume, and was about to throw it away, before deciding to keep it in his drawer instead. He needed to get rid of the memories of her which kept on haunting him. He grabbed her clothes and was about to stuff them into a box, when the last sentences of her letter rang his mind.

' _I need some space to breathe. I don't know for how long I'll be gone for. But wait for me patiently ok? One day I'll be back, better and stronger than ever. Then we'll have the life that we want. Until then, please be strong. Don't blame yourself. I love you so much, and it hurts me so much to see you hurting. So please, promise me you'll go on with life, but wait for me. Remember, we are worth fighting for. '_

He sighed as he sat on on their king sized bed, holding one of her jackets. It was one of her favorite jackets, which she always wore during autumn and winter. He didn't know why she didn't bring the jacket with her, maybe she left it deliberately with him as a reminder of her?

He carefully placed her clothes back in her wardrobe, and walked over to the key drawer, taking out his car keys.

* * *

' Do you really want to start looking for her?' Nathan asked, sipping on his Vodka. He was sitting at Joe's across the bar from Owen. Owen was sipping on his Scotch again.

' It has been 2 weeks, Riggs. 2 weeks of not hearing from her. I know she mentioned that she needed some time to think, but 2 weeks is more than enough time to think!' Owen said angrily.

' Ok, first things first- do you know exactly where she is? You don't want to take leave and fly over to somewhere, just to find out that she isn't there.' Nathan reminded Owen sensibly.

' I have a strong feeling that she's in LA. ' said Owen. ' That day Meredith called, Addison said she's not around. ' I got her phone number from Meredith and called again several times, each time Addison said that Amelia wasn't around. But what if Addison is lying to us and Amelia is actually there in LA with her? Amelia had mentioned several times about how she missed her friends in LA- it's totally plausible that she's there. I really can't think of where else she might be.'

' Well, I'm sorry to break it to you Owen, but if she's really there in LA and Addison is helping her to lie about the fact that she's there, it means that she's not ready to see you just yet. And what if she isn't even in LA? Where else should we go to find her?' Nathan asked.

' Do you know that this is driving me crazy, Riggs? I spend almost 24 hours in the hospital now, working all the time. I can't go home, because every single thing she left behind at home reminds me of her. I haven't eaten a proper meal and haven't slept well for the past couple of weeks. I just can't go on living like this.' Owen said, the hurt evident in his voice, as he gulped down the remaining of his Scotch.

Nathan remained silent, observing his friend. Owen looked so downtrodden and crestfallen, his heart really went out to him. The last couple of weeks since Amelia left, Owen had been a pale ghost of his true self. He walked the corridors of the hospital like a zombie, looking emotionless and expressionless. He didn't smile to anyone, or talk to anyone except about work related issues.

The truth be told, he wanted the old Owen back.

' I need to find her, Riggs.' Owen repeated. ' Wherever she is. I don't care if she isn't ready to see me, I need to find her now. Because I don't think I can go on surviving like this. I don't care if she turns me down, at least I can say that I've tried.'

' Ok, I'll go with you.' Nathan finally said.

Owen's eyes widened in surprise.

' You're coming with me? But what about your patients?'

' I'll hand them over to Maggie tomorrow. You tell Bailey and April tomorrow that you're taking a couple of days leave to fly to LA to find Amelia.'

Owen felt a smile creep across his face as he patted Nathan on the back. Even though they both had a rocky start since Nathan arrived in Seattle, he now realized what a good friend he actually was.

That night, Owen felt the most alive he had ever felt for the past 2 weeks, while searching online with Nathan for the cheapest plane tickets to LA.

* * *

The next two days flew by in the whirlwind, and soon Owen found himself in a cab in LA. With the help of Meredith, they had dug out Addison's house address from the hospital directory.

' What if she doesn't want to see me?' Owen asked Nathan for the hundreth time that day.

' Then it's her loss. We'll just leave her here.' Nathan answered. ' You're making this effort to travel all the way to LA to see her and to get her back. If she still doesn't see that, well, I'm sorry to say, she just isn't worth all the effort you're making.'

Owen remained silent at Nathan's answer. The truth be told, he didn't know whether he could do that- leave Amelia here in LA. He just couldn't bear to think of the possibility that she really didn't want to see him. That would hurt a lot, it would be like a knife stabbing through his heart.

' I don't even know whether she's here. What if Addison isn't lying and she really isn't here? Where else would she be?' Owen was now starting to freak out.

' Owen, calm down. We'll cross the bridge when we come to it.' Nathan tried to calm his friend down. ' First we need to find out whether she's actually staying at Addison's. Hopefully she is.'

They both remained silent for the rest of the journey, both engrossed in their own thoughts. Owen was thinking about Amelia and whether she was actually there in LA, and if she was, whether she would be happy to see him. Nathan meanwhile, was thinking about Megan and how he missed the opportunity to reconcile with her. At least Owen still had the opportunity to make things right with Amelia.

Soon, the cab dropped them at their destination. It was a beautiful bungalow house facing the scenic beach.

' Such a nice and relaxing place to stay.' Owen thought to himself.

Nathan gave him a reassuring look as he mustered the courage to ring the doorbell.

After a few moments, a boy of about 5-6 year old answered the doorbell.

He stared at the two of them intently.

' Hello?' he finally said.

' Ermm….hello….I was just wondering, is this where Dr. Addison Montgomery stays?' Owen asked the boy, stooping down to his level.

Before the boy could answer, a female voice called out from the living room.

' Henry! What did I tell you about answering the door for strangers?'

' I'm sorry mommy, but the 2 men here are looking for you' Henry answered back ,still staring at them.

Within seconds, Addison appeared at the door, clearly dressed to go out.

Her eyes widened in recognition and surprise.

' Owen Hunt?'

' Yes, its me.' Owen confirmed. ' This my friend Nathan Riggs. We're….we're just wondering whether there is any chance that Amelia Shepherd is here?'

Addison smiled as she put her hands on her hips. She just knew that, despite Amelia asking her to lie on her behalf during her first few days here, Owen Hunt would still show up at her doorstep eventually. However, he was a little too late.

' Well, she left more than an hour ago with Charlotte.' she said. ' Back to Seattle.'

* * *

 **Ok guys, we've reached the end of this chapter. So its a near miss! What would happen in the next chapter? Do stay tuned to find out! :)**

 **Comments, reviews, messages are very much appreciated! I really love to hear what you guys think. Thank you :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**This is the direct continuation of** **' Thinking It Over' parts 2 and 3**

 **Thinking It Over - Part 4**

' Charlotte- I'm scared' Amelia repeated for the tenth time on the way to the LAX. ' What if he's so angry with me that he doesn't want to see me anymore?'

Charlotte gripped the steering wheel, focusing on the busy road in front of her. She was being a good friend by taking the day off to send Amelia to the airport, but now she had to admit that the massive traffic jam was making her almost regret her decision. She was worried for Amelia that she would miss her 1 pm flight back to Seattle.

She loved Amelia to death, but her friend was starting to wear her patience out.

' Amelia- listen to me.' Charlotte said firmly. ' I know you're scared. But you have to face your issues like an adult. Running away isn't going to solve your problem. I love you- but you're only making things worse by running away from Major Hunt. Like I said many times, you have to go back to tell him everything and sort out your issues with him. Tell him the whole truth why you're scared, tell him about your whole past. He needs to know about your past, he needs to understand where you're coming from. How are you so sure that he doesn't want to see you anymore?'

' Because I left him! Of course he would be mad that I left him. ' Amelia reasoned. ' That's my problem, I always run. I ran away from him just like I ran away from James.'

' But now you're going back to him! See- that's the difference. Right now, you're making the decision to go back to Major Hunt, instead of running away from him forever. You're now facing your issues. You've grown up Amelia, I'm proud of you.' said Charlotte, smiling at her friend as the car stopped at the traffic light.

Amelia smiled back at Charlotte, feeling grateful for having such a good and supportive friend.

It was an emotional goodbye at the LAX as they both hugged each other tight and promised to keep in touch.

' Good luck.' Charlotte whispered into Amelia's ear. ' Tell me how it goes with Major Hunt. Don't make me go to Seattle to kick his ass.'

' I will, Charlotte, I will.' Amelia replied, feeling the tears pooling in her eyes.

* * *

Amelia managed to board her flight back to Seattle just in time. As she stared out of the plane window, her mind was racing with thoughts on what to say to Owen when they finally reunite. Of course he would be mad and furious at her for leaving him just like that. But would he accept her explanation? How would she gather the courage and strength to tell him about her unicorn baby and how the entire experience caused her to be afraid to get pregnant again?

For the first time in forever, she closed her eyes and prayed. She prayed to the powers above to soften Owen's heart and let him listen to her explanation and forgive her.

Meanwhile, in LA, Owen was staring at Addison, unable to believe what he had just heard her say.

' She just left back to Seattle? Do you know what time is her flight?' Owen asked hurriedly once he had regained his senses. ' Did she tell you?'

Nathan gave him a quick nudge as a silent signal to slow down on the questions.

Owen's heart was thumping. Amelia leaving back to Seattle gave him a ray of hope that maybe, just maybe, she was ready to go back to him and reconcile with him.

' I'm afraid I don't know.' Addison answered honestly. ' Wait…hold on…I'll call Charlotte.' she offered.

' Why don't you both have a sit first. Do you want a drink or something?' she asked.

Both men shook their head. They weren't in the mood for a drink when their priority was getting hold of Amelia.

Addison made her way to the kitchen where she left her phone, with Henry trailing behind her.

For a few agonizing minutes, both men sat in silence in Addison's living room, Nathan looking around and admiring the beautiful interior design of the house, and Owen tapping his feet in anticipation of news about Amelia.

When Addison finally returned back to the living room, Owen sat up straight, ready to listen to her. He reminded her of anxious family members waiting for her to inform them of the latest development of their loved ones.

' Charlotte is already on the way back from the airport.' she announced. ' She had just dropped Amelia off there. I called Amelia several times and her phone is off. She might already be on the plane.'

Owen and Nathan exchanged glances. It was obvious what they needed to do now- they needed to go back to Seattle.

' Well, it looks like we need to return back to Seattle.' said Owen. ' But thanks a lot Addison, for your help.'

' It's no problem, do you want me to call a cab for you?' Addison offered helpfully. Both men gratefully accepted the offer.

* * *

' This is good news, isn't it?' Nathan asked as Owen stared out of the cab window. ' Amelia flying back to Seattle means that she is ready to reconcile with you.'

' Yes, it is.' Owen agreed. ' I'm still mad at her though. She should've known better than to leave me like that. I love her so much, and did everything in my power to make her happy and yet she still left. Like all the other women in my life.'

' Yes, I understand that you're mad.' Nathan reasoned. ' And yes I agree- she shouldn't have left you like that. But surely there's a reason for that- why she's running away. Maybe there's something from her past that she's hiding from you and afraid to let you in on.'

' But I can't possibly force her into opening up to me everything about her past when she clearly isn't ready. I want her to be ready.' said Owen. ' I don't want to force her into something she's not comfortable with. She would withdraw further from me if that's the case.'

' The fact that she's flying back to Seattle now is enough to tell me that she is ready.' Nathan explained. ' If she isn't ready to face you and sort things out with you, she wouldn't be flying back there.'

' I hope so, I really hope so.' Owen muttered.

Their flight back to Seattle was a silent one, with Owen caught in his whirlwind of thoughts about Amelia. He was still very mad and upset at her, but at the same time he was relieved that she finally flew back to Seattle. But part of him still wondered- was she going to find him when she returned to Seattle? Or was she going to stay at Meredith's? Or somewhere else? He loved her and hated her at the same time. He hated her for leaving him, and making him upset in the process. He hated himself for loving her so much until it hurt.

* * *

Amelia felt butterflies in her stomach as she dragged her luggage through the familiar Grey Sloan Memorial hospital doors. She had taken a cab straight to the hospital instead of back home, as she wanted to see Owen and talk to him the first thing she returned to Seattle.

' Amelia?!' April cried out upon seeing the neurosurgeon walk through the ER doors with her luggage.

' You're back?!' she squealed, running to hug her.

' Maggie! Meredith!' she called out to Amelia's two sisters who were also in the ER assessing patients.

Both women were by Amelia's side in an instant.

' Where did you go to?' Meredith asked. ' Do you know that Owen was worried sick about you? And Bailey was already looking for a replacement for the Head of Neurosurgery? I called Addison and she said you weren't at her place. Where were you?'

' Yes, Owen wasn't himself at all the past couple of weeks! ' April added ' He buried himself in work and looked like a zombie all the time. He took all my night shifts.'

' Hush you guys, she just came back! I'm just glad that you're back.' said Maggie, giving Amelia a warm hug. ' Welcome back.'

' Thanks Maggie.' said Amelia, smiling gratefully at her.

' April- where is Owen?' Amelia asked, focusing her attention back to the trauma surgeon.

April eyes suddenly widened as she remembered.

' Oh! He took leave to fly to LA with Riggs to find you! Did you manage to meet him?!'

' What? He went there to find me?!' Amelia was surprised. She didn't expect Owen to actually go after her, not when she already mentioned in the letter for him to wait for her to return. It just made her feel even more guilty for leaving him.

' Yes, he did.' April confirmed. ' This morning. He took a 2 days leave.'

' I told him to wait for me.' Amelia frowned. ' Did he seem mad? Anxious? Did he say anything or leave any message?'

' Amelia, calm down.' said April. ' He just informed me that he needed 2 days leave to fly to LA to look for you and that was it. I didn't prod him further because we were busy after that.'

' Ok, thanks April.' Amelia gave April a small smile, but her heart was beating fast inside. What would happen to Owen in LA? Where would he go to find her? How would he react upon discovering that she wasn't there anymore?

' Well, since he isn't around here, I'll go back home to keep my luggage.' Amelia excused herself, ignoring the many sets of eyes following her as she walked back out of the ER doors.

* * *

Amelia reached home to find the house exactly the same as it was before she left. Of course it would be, she only left for 2 weeks. Owen's car wasn't around, he probably parked it at the airport.

But when she reached their bedroom, she noticed their wedding photo on the bedside table turned face down. She noticed that her perfumes which she left on the dressing table were gone. Her toiletries were kept away in the bathroom cabinet. Her clothes were still in the wardrobe though.

Those were signs that Owen was mad at her for leaving, but still secretly hoping and waiting for her return.

She sat on their bed and took their wedding photo, staring at it. They both looked so happy and radiant that day. They were so happy for the first couple of months into their marriage. What happened?

It was her fault, she knew. She was the one who freaked out after the pregnancy scare. It was her who was afraid to open up to him and bailed on him instead. So now, the ball was in her court. It was up to her to confess and open up about her past to him, no more secrets between them. No more running, but facing her issues instead, like Charlotte said. She could do this. She had to.

She busied herself unpacking her luggage, having a shower and a nap.

* * *

Amelia was about to grab herself a snack from the fridge a few hours later when she heard the sound of Owen's car entering the driveway. Her heart was thumping in anticipation. This was the moment of truth, and she was going to face it like an adult.

Taking a deep breath, she walked into the living room as she heard the sound of keys jangling at the front door.

She had to be brave now. No more running.

Owen opened the front door and stood rooted to his spot, not believing his eyes at seeing his wife, the wife who had left him with just a letter 2 weeks ago standing right in front of him. He had to blink his eyes several times to make sure that he wasn't dreaming and it wasn't an apparition of some sort. Of course he knew that she had returned to Seattle, but now that she was actually standing in front of him in person, it was too good to be true.

But when he opened his eyes again, she was still standing there, her blue eyes staring pleadingly at him. Those blue eyes which he couldn't say no to.

Time stood still as they stared at each other in the eye, both rooted in their spots, and both speechless, not being able to find the right words to say.

Owen finally moved to locked the front door behind him, not taking his eyes off his wife.

His first impulse was to hug her tight and tell her that he missed her.

But then he recalled that he was still mad at her for leaving him. That and his pride prevented him from going over to her.

To his surprise, she was the one who spoke up first.

' I'm sorry.' she muttered. ' I'm sorry for leaving you.'

Owen could feel his blood boiling now, but he was trying his best to remain calm.

' You're sorry? Do you think that by simply uttering those two words I would just forgive you like that? Sorry to break this to you, but sorry doesn't solve everything. '

' I had no choice.' Amelia's voice was now stronger and more confident.

' What do you mean you had no choice?' Owen asked, a hint of bitterness in the tone of his voice. ' Are you telling me that you had no choice but to just take off like that one night and leave a letter asking me to wait for you without telling me where you went to or how long you were there for?'

' I needed time to think things over and reevaluate.' Amelia tried to explain. ' I couldn't breathe. I was suffocating.'

' You mean our marriage is suffocating you? I am suffocating you? Thanks for telling me. ' Owen said sarcastically, the bitter tone now evident in his voice.

' No Owen- it's not your fault. You've been nothing but wonderful to me. Like I said in the letter, it's me, not you. ' Amelia replied. ' I had some issues…' her voice trailed off as she struggled to find the right words to say.

' It's not my fault? Then why did you do this to me, Amelia? Do you know that I spent sleepless nights in the hospital wondering where you went and when you would come back- IF you ever came back? Do you know how many times I considered flying over to LA to look for you but didn't because I respected your wish to be alone? Do you know how empty my heart felt? Everyone said that I looked like a zombie. What did I do to deserve this?' Owen's voice was now cracking, and his words pierced right through Amelia's heart like a dagger. She felt so guilty now for what she had put Owen through. It was obvious that he cared so much about her. He didn't deserve this. She really hated herself.

' Owen do you know that I spent sleepless nights thinking of you too?' Amelia tried desperately to make him understand. 'All my friends in LA were so nice to me, but at the end of the day I realized that I didn't belong there. My home is here. With you.'

' So you needed 2 weeks in LA to realize that your home is here?' Owen asked sarcastically. ' Nice to know that.'

' Owen , please.' Amelia pleaded, tears now pooling in her eyes. ' At least I realize it now.'

Owen's heart finally softened upon hearing Amelia's plea and seeing tears pooling in her blue eyes.

As furious as he was with her, he still loved her deeply and was so glad that she came back to him.

But he still demanded an explanation from her.

' So why did you leave Amelia?' Owen asked, in a softer tone this time. ' Tell me.'

Amelia gulped, knowing that this was her best chance of opening up to him. Now the opportunity was there, she had to grab it.

But she just couldn't. She opened and closed her mouth several times, but no words came out.

' So you left for no reason?' the hurt tone was back in Owen's voice.

' No…I…' somehow, Amelia just couldn't find the right words to say.

' You know what? Maybe you need more time to think. I'll go out and get dinner and give you more time to think.' said Owen calmly.

' No Owen….it's not that!' Amelia cried out in desperation, but he had already walked out the door.

' Damn it!' Amelia muttered to herself, as she slammed her fist on the dining table in frustration.

She missed this golden opportunity to confess to Owen. She messed up again like she messed up every single thing in her life.

' Well done Amelia' she thought to herself as she sat on the dining table, covering her face with her hands. ' Way to mess things up like you always do.'

Hands shaking, she dialed Charlotte's number.

Charlotte answered within a single ring.

' Amelia! Have you talked things over with Major Hunt already?' Charlotte sounded excited over the phone.

' No…not yet….I just couldn't do it.' Amelia's voice quivered.

' What do you mean you couldn't?'

' He asked me why I left- and somehow I just couldn't find the right words to say.' Amelia sighed, resting her head on her hands. ' Why do I keep on doing this?'

Charlotte's heart really went out to her friend and she wished she could help her.

An idea suddenly came into her mind.

' Ha…I have a suggestion.' she said as she told Amelia the idea, before changing the topic to a more lighthearted conversation.

' You know what you have to do, Amelia.' Charlotte reminded her friend before she hung up.

' If you can't find the words to tell him, show him instead.'

* * *

Owen was still quiet as he took out the Chinese takeaway from the recycled bag half an hour later.

' Owen, I need to show you something.' Amelia said as she walked over to him, holding her phone.

' What is it?' Owen muttered, busying himself with putting the food on the table.

' This' Amelia said quietly, as she showed him the photo of her unicorn baby's grave which Charlotte helped to take the day she visited . ' Remember I told you that my baby lived for 43 minutes?'

Owen nodded silently. Yes, he did remember her mentioning to him about it in the hospital chapel while they were lighting candles for Samuel, but at that time they were still acquaintances, and he didn't want to meddle in her personal life.

' It's a beautiful grave' he said finally, admiring the picture. ' Beautiful words. Unicorn baby, a beautiful name for a beautiful baby'

' What I didn't tell you is that he died of anencephaly.' Amelia said, swallowing thickly, feeling a stab in her heart at having to say the term out loud. ' No brain. How ironic is it that a brain surgeon would have a baby without a brain?' she chuckled bitterly.

Owen had encountered a few cases before of anencephalic babies- in medical school, internship, and residency. He had seen the devastated look on the parents faces when they were told of their baby's diagnosis. The prognosis was very poor, he knew that. Zero percent chance of survival.

And now here his wife was, telling him that she had an anencephalic baby before. His heart really went out to her.

' I'm so sorry Amelia. I didn't know.' said Owen as he put a comforting arm around her shoulders, and helped her place the phone on the dinner table.

Upon feeling his reassuring touch, Amelia finally found the strength to continue.

' Remember that night I told you about Ryan and how I woke up to find him dead?' she asked him, as her eyes which were now glistening with tears met his reassuring ones.

Owen nodded. Yes, he did remember.

' I.. I found out after I came out from rehab that I was pregnant with his baby.' she continued. ' I was happy at first, because at least he left a part of him in me. But that joy was short-lived when Addison did my first antenatal scan- and we found out that the baby didn't have a brain.' tears were now rolling down her cheeks at the memory.

Owen remained silent, giving her a gentle squeeze on the shoulders as a silent cue to continue her story.

' I was devastated to say the least.' she said. ' I knew that my baby would die. I was given the option of abortion. But I chose to carry the baby to full term so that I could donate his organs to save the lives of other babies after he was born.'

Owen felt full admiration for his wife now. He couldn't imagine a woman willing to carry her baby to full term, knowing that the baby was going to die, in order to save the lives of other babies.

' That was a very noble thing to do Amelia.' he said honestly. ' I'm so proud of you.'

Amelia finally felt a smile forming on her lips at her husband's reassurance. That gave her the strength to continue her story.

' When he was born, I held him in my arms. He felt so warm and soft in my arms. He was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen.' she said, smiling tearfully at the memory of holding the baby in her arms. ' I proudly proclaimed that he was my son. That moment, I knew exactly what a mother's love was like.'

Owen nodded his head. Now he understood. Amelia had been a mother before, she was still a mother now, nothing could take that status away from her.

' Then, he developed respiratory distress, and they had to take him away from me, as time was running out. They had to harvest his organs for donation.' Amelia added, her voice quivering at the memory. ' When they took him away from me, it felt like they took a piece of me away. It would always leave a hole in my heart which cannot be filled.' she said, wiping away a stray tear from her cheek.

Owen was now cupping her face in his hands, and using his fingers to help her wipe away another stray tear.

'But I guess, something good came out of all this.' Amelia sniffled. ' His organs were donated to many other children and helped to save many other lives. That's why I call him my unicorn baby, my miracle baby. He had saved so many lives in the 43 minutes he was alive. He was my miracle baby, Owen.'

' He's a miracle baby indeed.' Owen agreed.

' I love babies and I want to give you a baby so bad.' said Amelia earnestly as she looked into Owen's eyes. ' I know that's what you want and I want to give you what you want so bad.'

' Amelia- I understand if you're not ready.' Owen said. 'It's just that I thought you were on board with the idea.'

' I was! I am. I want kids too.' Amelia tried to explain. ' But that night, when we took the pregnancy test and it was negative- I felt so relieved. I felt like I could breathe again.'

' Why?' Owen asked, trying to understand where his wife was coming from.

' I can't bear the thought of carrying yet another anencephalic baby, Owen! What if I get pregnant and our baby turns out to be anencephalic too? What if I can only produce brainless babies?! You see, the reason why I'm afraid to tell you this is because I'm afraid you would reject me because of this.I'm afraid you wouldn't want me anymore because I can only give you brainless babies. '

At this confession, Amelia broke down in sobs. Now that she had revealed her dark secret and her deepest fear to Owen, she felt like a huge burden had been lifted off her shoulders. She felt free at last, like she could finally breathe.

Owen instinctively wrapped his arms tight around Amelia, embracing her in his arms, as she continued sobbing, wetting his new shirt in the process. But he didn't care. All that mattered now was that his wife had just bared her entire soul and past to him, and she needed his comfort and support.

' You know I will never leave you Amelia, no matter what happens. ' he whispered into her ear, as he stroked her hair soothingly.

They sat in that position for several minutes as Amelia continued sobbing, and Owen rubbed soothing circles on her back while embracing her in a warm, comforting hug.

Amelia's sobs gradually became sniffles.

' I…I met the kid who got my baby's heart in LA.' Amelia sniffled, as she looked up at Owen with teary eyes. His name was Jacob. His parents thanked me for saving his life.' she added, giving Owen a teary eyed smile. ' After that encounter, I finally mustered the courage to visit his grave. I haven't been to his grave since I left LA. I guess that was the closure I needed. I needed to know that he still lives in the heart of another child, and that he is looking down at us from heaven.'

Owen kissed Amelia's temple gently, as he embraced her again in his arms.

' He'll always live through all the children he saved.' he said softly. ' And yes, he'll always be in our hearts.'

' Then I realized, with Charlotte's help, that I had to let go of my past.' Amelia continued. ' I cannot just let my fear of having another anencephalic baby hold me back from having a future with you. I know that I need to let go. Addison did tell me that the chances of recurrence are only 2-4%. But I'm still afraid of the small possibility. I am scared, Owen, but I want it more than ever now, I really want a future with you.'

' I want a future with you too Amelia.' said Owen earnestly. ' But I don't want to force you into something you're not ready for. We can wait if you're not ready to have another child. Or we can even explore other options, if that's what you want. Just know that no matter what happens- I would be by your side always.'

Amelia looked up at Owen and showed him her dimpled smile, the smile which he had been missing for the past couple of weeks. Now that she had faced the demons of her past and poured her heart and soul out to him, she felt more ready than ever to take on the unknown future with him by her side.

That evening, they chatted continuously over dinner about their past lives, opening up to each other about their deepest and darkest secrets they had kept hidden from each other in the past. They bared their entire souls to each other, and reached a deeper level of understanding between them.

That night, they fell asleep cuddled in each others arms in a warm embrace, ever so grateful to be back together again.

* * *

 **7 years later**

There was a sense of anticipation among the Hunt family as they waited at the SeaTac Airport for their guest's arrival.

Amelia's heart was pounding with excitement. Although they spoke on the phone and FaceTimed regularly, this was the first time she and Charlotte King would meet again after 7 years. Now that the triplets were older, Charlotte could finally afford to book a flight to Seattle to visit Amelia and her family.

1 year old Olivia Megan was wriggling in her arms, sensing her mother's excitement.

'Livvy, stop it.' said Amelia, adjusting her grip on the toddler.

' Down!' Olivia ordered.

' No, Olivia.' Amelia scolded gently. ' They're too many people around.'

Meanwhile beside her, 6 year old Charlotte Addison was skipping around excitedly. Ever since her mother told her that she would be meeting the aunt she was named after, she had been counting down the days.

In her excitement, Charlotte accidentally collided with another child who was also skipping around.

' Charlotte!' Amelia called out. ' Watch out where you're going!'

' Noah!' Owen called to their son from beside her ' Come back here- don't go too far away.'

4 year old Noah Christopher skipped back excitedly, grinning at his parents.

Finally, the adult Charlotte appeared with her luggage.

Her face lit up upon seeing Amelia and her family. She and Amelia exchanged a warm hug, so glad to be able to finally meet each other again face to face.

' Major Hunt.' Charlotte greeted Owen, nodding her head and shaking his hand.

Owen gave Amelia a questioning look and she shrugged in response.

' She knows that you worked in the army before.' she whispered to him once Charlotte had her attention focused on the children. ' Since I told her that, she has been referring to you by that nickname.'

' So this is Noah and Olivia.' said Charlotte, accepting Noah's handshake with a wide smile and giving Olivia a peck on the forehead.

' Hey, you must be Charlotte too.' she said, stooping down to the same level as little Charlotte.

' Yes, my name is Charlotte too.' the little girl grinned. ' Mommy said I was named after you.'

' Yes, you were.' big Charlotte smiled as little Charlotte took her hand and led her out of the airport with the rest of the family trailing behind.

Little Charlotte was already chatting excitedly to big Charlotte about school, her family and her hobbies, as big Charlotte listened intently. An immediate bond had formed between them.

' Mommy, why am I named after aunt Charlotte?' little Charlotte asked that night as Amelia tucked her into bed. Little Charlotte had spent an entire day not leaving big Charlotte's side, and even cried when they had to drop big Charlotte off at the hotel. Amelia was starting to worry that little Charlotte was getting more attached to big Charlotte than to her.

' Well- because if not for her, you wouldn't even be here.' Amelia explained in the simplest terms she could think of.

Charlotte frowned. ' What do you mean, mommy? I thought I wouldn't be here if not for you and daddy.'

' Yes. Your aunt Charlotte helped bring mommy and daddy back together. She and your aunt Addie which you're also named after' Amelia reasoned.

' Oh I see.' Charlotte was finally satisfied with her answer.

' Then since I'm named after her, will I be like her?' Charlotte asked.

' Do you want to be like her?' Amelia asked, winking at her 6 year old clone.

' Yes, I do!' Charlotte exclaimed. ' I like her a lot!'

' She likes you too.' Amelia smiled, remembering how big Charlotte told her earlier that day while watching the kids play how proud she was of her, and how she thought little Charlotte really reminded her of her little self.

' Ok, then I have to sleep now so that I can grow up to be like aunt Charlotte' said Charlotte as she tuck herself under the covers and pretended to be asleep.

Amelia chuckled at her daughter's reasoning as she pulled up the blankets and kissed the little girl goodnight. It was true though, without big Charlotte , little Charlotte might not even exist. She had so much to be grateful for.

 **So we've reached the end of the 'Thinking It Over' series. Thank you all so much for your support for this series- I really appreciate it! :)**

 **Again, comments, reviews, and messages are very much appreciated- please do let me know what you think- I would really love to hear from you all :)**


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